Chapter 4: Do you like me...?
Kageyama awoke the next day to the sound of his phone buzzing. He turned on his side to gaze at his phone on his desk. He reached over and grasped it in his hand, turning it on to see that Hinata had left him a text.
Meet me at the park around 7 pm.
Kageyama raised a brow, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He took a second, thinking again whether he should go or not, the same doubt kept coming back. But he replied back, saying:
He continued to stare at his phone for a moment, before he put his phone back on the desk, lied back down, and gazed at the ceiling.His thoughts kept asking him, why he kept doubting himself when it came to hanging out with Hinata. It was almost as if his brain wanted to run away, but his heart wanted to stay.
At that moment, his eyes widened as he remembered last night; the longing to be with Hinata and the emotion he felt when he was around. It took him a second to realize that he felt happy around Hinata. Although he felt the need to shield himself from him and the constant plague of hatred, he felt a certain happiness, perhaps “love” towards Hinata.
But as the thought came through, it was soon blurred by the doubts that made him question himself and what he was truly feeling.
Why would he love you? Or even like you to that matter?
Happiness? Is this a joke? You hate Hinata…
If you truly believe yourself and what you feel, then why do you keep having doubts about it?
You are never meant to be cause why would he like you?
Kageyama clenched his arms closer to his body, as his eyes shut tighter and tighter; a clear stream of tears began to slip from his eyes, as he felt himself be stabbed by his thoughts, piercing holes in his heart, sabotaging his feelings.
He felt alone.
He wished he didn’t feel this way, but he did. Because as he realized that the reality with Hinata could never be, then who else would ever like him? He was a ruthless king after all. A king who didn’t deserve any subjects, nor love.
But then, Kageyama wiped his tears away, thinking a moment before his heart gave a sign of recovery: perhaps, he still had a chance to make Hinata like him. Maybe that’s why he invited Kageyama to hang out with him? Maybe that’s why Kageyama hadn’t refused those invitations.
The only thing lighting the way, were the lampposts, that left areas of light through the darkness and guided Kageyama to his destination. However, he kept his gaze down, looking at the ground, as his mind still plagued him. But as his mind was about to dive deeper and deeper, he was startled by the pat on the back.
He turned to his side to see Hinata, smiling, “Kageyama! I’m surprised you came! I honestly thought you might have just texted that so you could just abandon me, haha!” Kageyama smiled slightly, while also retaining a stern look, as he replied, “Ha, yeah, I probably should have done that but…” He stopped what he was about to say, leaving a confused Hinata to allow his mind to wander a bit.
It didn’t take long before he asked, “But…?” Kageyama shook his head, “Its nothing.”
They continued on through the night to the park, Hinata bouncing along and pointing out little things that happened in his day. He then asked what Kageyama did but he only replied with, “Oh, um… stayed home… and yeah...” Hinata crossed his arm, “You stayed home all day? Geez, there’s gotta be something exciting you did! Maybe you fell out of your bed or your shoulder crashed into a wall or something!” Kageyama shook his head, “Nope… Nothing.”
Hinata tilted his head, now realizing that something was bothering Kageyama, but he decided not to mention anything, at least not until they got to see what he wanted him to see.
They soon arrived at the park, and it seemed quiet, the cries of the crickets were the only thing to be heard. It was dark, and Kageyama wondered why Hinata began to wander around into the grass. But he soon found out, when he saw a little light come out from the grass. Hinata smiled, “There’s one! Now where are the others?” The little light came floating towards Kageyama, close enough to show it’s insect body. It was a firefly.
He looked up at Hinata who seemed to look around, beginning to get frustrated, before he jumped up and down, causing a wave of fireflies to suddenly to fly out from their grassy shelters. Kageyama stared in wonder as their surroundings suddenly were lit with little orbs floating by one another and landing in different places than their original positions. Hinata too stared up in awe, but moved towards Kageyama and asked, “It’s amazing isn’t it?” Kageyama smiled and nodded, keeping his gaze on the fireflies.
Hinata continued to stare at them as he then said, “Did you know that fireflies symbolize love?” Kageyama’s eyes widened as he slowly looked at Hinata who continued to say, “They symbolize passionate love between people. But they also symbol war, since they’re viewed as the lost souls of soldiers. I found this out the other day while just looking through a book that I thought was interesting. But it wasn’t.” Hinata laughed at his own comment, before noticing Kageyama’s intent gaze, staring Hinata in the eyes with astonishment.
Hinata crossed his arms, and frowned, “Okay! What’s wrong!? You keep acting weird! And this wasn’t the only day, but for the past few days. Are you hiding something from me!?”
Kageyama signed, “It's nothi-” Hinata interrupted him, “It's obviously not ‘nothing’. What is it?” Kageyama hesitated, avoiding the concerned eyes of Hinata, as he asked, “Do you… like me…?”
Kageyama felt his heart slowly drop with every second that passed in silence. Hinata stood there, still staring but his expression had changed to one of a stoic nature. Kageyama knew that after a long period of silence, it was obvious what the answer was. He sighed, “I-it’s fine if you don’t… I’ll just lea-” “No… Don’t go…”
Kageyama frowned, confused, as he turned his body around slightly, only to stare into the bright brown eyes of the orange-headed person before him. Hinata scratched the back of his head, as he quietly said, “I do like you Kageyama…But…” He hesitated, causing Kageyama’s heart to skip a beat, almost in an attempt to break into helplessness, waiting for Hinata to finish.
Hinata shuffled a little in his place, a bit of uncertainty surrounding him, as he continued, “I like you… But… I… I… I just don’t know… how to express it…” Kageyama’s brow raised, as Hinata explained, “I-I’ve been thinking recently that… I want to be with you, more and more… and I was worried you would think opposite…” Kageyama turned fully around to face Hinata, hearing exactly what he wanted to say come from Hinata. But he didn’t want to confess (even though he kinda was the one to make the move).
Out of the blue, Hinata hugged Kageyama, their warmth spreading to each other’s bodies. Kageyama began to blush but he didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around Hinata, yearning for the passion that burned in his chest at that moment and every other moment before.
After some time, they broke the hug and stood in the darkness, dimly lit with fireflies that still seemed to wander around. Hinata laughed, “Well, now I know, now we both know, that we want each other.”
Kageyama nodded, gazing into Hinata’s eyes, which he used to gaze back at Kageyama. Kageyama then suddenly frowned, causing Hinata to become confused, before Kageyama said, “But you can’t tell anyone… I feel like this should be our secret.” Hinata then grinned, and nodded, “Yes! This could be our little secret! Ah! This is so exciting!”
He began bouncing up and down, causing the edges of Kageyama’s mouth to curve upward. Hinata then stopped in his tracks, noticing Kageyama’s smile, which made him even more happy.
It didn’t take them long however to realize how late it was and as much as it drove holes in their hearts, they had to say goodbye. Although they barely got together that day, it seemed like they had known each other for a long time. They agreed to meet up at the park again, but during the day instead.